Sunday, January 18, 2009

Friends

I sat down tonight with a black Charlie Brown cloud over my head. I was ready to write my first really grumpy post about how I quit this job!! Tonight, I was ready to send the kids to public school just so I could read a book and exercise and have my house clean for at least four hours a day. Tonight, I wept on the couch as I told my husband that I needed a support group because my job is hard and my responsibilities feel so heavy.


Then, I logged on and read your recent comments. You put a smile on my stubborn face. You reminded me that I have a great support group. You let me know that because I let my son make fake snot for his birthday, I am doing okay at this Mom thing. I'm not sure that I believe you, but at least the big black cloud is gone.


This fifth baby has thrown me for a loop. I think I've had some depression and I was impatient with that thought because I love being a Mom. My baby is an absolute joy and I love her with a Mother's Love, but she is not an easy baby. A demanding baby, plus home school, plus home-keeping, plus, plus, plus=pity party for Emily!


Thank you for reminding me of my blessings. . . you included.


I wish I could offer some fabulous give-away at this point in the post. You deserve it.


Love,

The Mothership

9 comments:

  1. Thanks for the good-wishes-for-friends give-away! It was just what I needed. :) Maybe it was the pancakes that did you in?

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  2. Emily, this was by far my favorite post of yours...it proves you are normal...and I could kind of sigh for relief- because for so long I just couldn't understand how positive and relaxed you were for having 5 children and homeschooling- and a small home (for 5 kids) and husband gone all the time- I am kind of glad you have bad days (sorry)- I think you are a remarkable person Emily. Your children are in a wonderful home-
    I love being a mom also. It is just hard some days. I have wept many times on the couch to my husband too- he doesn't like it- it gets him all flustered because he wants to fix the world- but still-

    Julia was the hardest baby. She was colic for the first three months- she didn't sleep well, she couldn't poop right for the first couple months (couldn't figure out how to use that sphincter muscle) and so basically I had to hold Julia in a wrap or snuggler for the first 6 months of her life- I would bounce her all day so she wouldn't cry. Kenzie didn't sleep well either up until 2 weeks ago (I am not kidding) and then we are trying to make more money so I started babysitting a cousin- I thought I was going to flip out. And then of course the heart breaking Mom-diagnose-cancer-death miss-her-like-crazy episode really threw me for a good one...and finally I started to feel what depression might feel like-

    Julia is 18 months now and she still cries- DEMANDING!

    So I don't have 5 kids and I am not homeschooling but I understand the bad days- they come and they go thank goodness- prayer always seems to help- or I will listen to a conference talk or YouTube church stuff- just so I can get things into perspective again.

    My mom used to always say to me- "tell yourself you are going to cry, feel sorry for yourself, give yourself the biggest pity party ever for 2 days and when the 2 days are up- it is over- time to move on" I love that advice- it seriously helps me get up and over when I am feeling overwhelmed and inadequate.

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  3. I honestly don't know a mom who hasn't said I give up today. Today, it is too hard. I have been there and said those exact words, even though I knew it was a lie. I will never give up and neither will you. You just keep on keepin' on because you know that there are people who love you and support you and your efforts as a mother, wife, and all the other titles we and others give ourselves. So Emily, you are doing an amazing job-many, many women look up to you in more ways than you think. You truly love your family, you serve in the church, you read, you write, you teach your own children, you are hilarious, you are just plain awesome! Believe all of the good comments people give you, we are all telling you the truth!

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  4. I can SO relate... I love to look at your blog Emily, because you are the only other person that I personally know of who I can relate to in so many ways, from 5 kids to homeschooling, etc. there just aren't a lot of people I know in that boat. It is a LOT of work. and I have cried more times than I can count, expressing to Aaron my feelings of inadequacy and being overwhelmed with all I must keep up with every day. With expecting our last little #6, I find myself wondering WHY I thought I would be able to do this again?? And of course I'm already in love with this new baby, and I have days where I feel ready to take on the new challenges, but sometimes I wonder if I'll be able to hold it all together without breaking. I cried through pretty much all of December--seriously. Cursed hormones don't help. And I must ask myself at LEAST once a week if I'd be doing my kids and myself more service to send them back to public school, I get so overwhelmed and just crave peace and cleanliness and all of that too. Anyway, thanks for reminding me that the black cloud moments are okay and that they help us put things back in perspective, and that support helps, I'm not very good at letting people help me, I just think I have to be so darn independent all the time...
    And you're totally a cool mom because you let your kids make snot. ;)

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  5. Oh, Emily! You are truly an AMAZING woman! First off, just know that. Secondly, just know that we ALL at one point feel like we will be quitting any minute now. . . Yah, right, it's just not that easy, and would we truly want to! No!!! We would truly miss these little STINKS!!! (I'm including the husbands in this) There have been times, that I stop & think back on my single days & I had Many of them. Oh, there were some Amazing times, trips, clothes, life was truly All about me. And you know that in the middle of ALL of this so called Happiness, at the heart of everything, I was TRULY Sad & Lonely! I tell, you now days, I dream of being lonely for at least 5 minutes. I can't even go to the bathroom by myself. I mean, REALLY!!! However, I would NEVER change one thing! Life is great & messy & difficult. But, if it weren't this way then we wouldn't appreciate the quite moments, that we rarely get.

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  6. Emily you are wonderful! The following is a direct quotation of a comment you made on my Charlie Brown dark cloud post.

    "Yes, just one suggestion: give yourself a break! We love you. And, good grief, we all have crap we need to change. It takes a life-time."

    Isn't it so wonderful that we all have good days and bad days.When we are up we lift those who are down and when we are down there are people there to lift us up. Just another way we cannot attain exaltation on our own.

    I will come right out and say it...depression sucks (pardon my language). Just realize that the way you may be feeling is through no failing of your own. You DO love being a mom. That has not changed. I am amazed at all you do. I would love to talk with you about homeschooling. Thank you for being a part of my support group.

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  7. AS always, well said. I agree Motherhood is the best thing I've ever done, but its very challenging sometimes. When I get to the place where I want to send them all away I always remind myself that I would just be trading one set of struggles for another. Life is just suppose to be hard. I love you and your inspirational posts.

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  8. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, dear friends. I read all of your comments then scrolled back up and read them again. I'm sure I will check them, again, when I need them.

    We women need each other, don't we?

    How I love you.

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  9. We've talked about this. I'm too lazy to do half of what you do...but I get to read more books, so who's kids get more of a benefit? For real.

    Actually, I think you're spectacular, and I wish I was there to give you a box of calgon and take your pods to my house for an afternoon.

    I love your face.

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