Two weeks ago we had family come to town. There were the expected preparations for that event. My dad worked on a wiring problem, while he was here, that had been plaguing my soul. Because of the lack of time, he was forced to leave a few items undone, but which required my immediate attention. We had several beautiful spring days that begged me to be outside moving dirt, raking dead grass and fixing a flooding problem that needed to be fixed as soon as the earth began to thaw. Before I knew it, I had four days until Easter Sunday and I hadn't even started the girls' dresses. I cut and sewed as quickly as I could, while still attempting to manage a household. My son has a keen new interest in nuclear science--a topic I haven't even looked at since high school chemistry fourteen years ago (!!!). I had to do some serious refresher study so I could explain it on a ten year old's level. I have been trying to do couponing for a few months and knew I had some good coupons for Easter stuff. I also expected some great last-minute deals. Because of this, I hadn't done any basket/bunny prep. Saturday night saw me hurriedly stitching in twelve button holes and four blind hems. It saw a trip to Walgreen's for stocking stuffers (or this holiday's equivalent) and got it all for the great deal I'd expected. As my husband sat filling plastic eggs and I was putting those final touches on the dresses, I expressed a nagging thought that had been growing over the past two days: I had completely lost the meaning of Easter.
I hadn't thought about my Savior once this week. I hadn't taken the time to study the scriptures concerning the Atonement. I didn't let each day of His Final Week speak for itself--Palm Sunday, Good Friday, etc. I didn't take the opportunity to set aside a few minutes each day to teach my children, "Today was the day Jesus entered Jerusalem on the back of a colt" or "Today was the day Jesus knelt at the feet of his friends and washed their feet" or "Today was the day that Jesus' body lay in the tomb." I let myself become distracted by the fluff and totally screwed up.
I am so ashamed of myself.
Before I crawled into bed, (after finishing the dresses, buying the fresh asparagus and strawberries, writing and hiding the clues for the Easter Basket Treasure Hunt, and starting the dishwasher and dryer) I knelt by the side of my bed.
I am grateful for the doctrine of repentance. I know that I can ask for forgiveness because of and through my Savior's Atonement. I know, that like any loving parent, my Father in Heaven will let me try again.
Today I am making a change. This week will be different. I will take the time to study His words and His life. I will find moments to testify to my children. I will ask for the Spirit to work in me and then I will let him. This week I will retrench, renew my commitment to Jesus Christ.
All because of the reason for this holiday: my Savior.