Sunday, April 12, 2009

A Second Chance

Two weeks ago we had family come to town. There were the expected preparations for that event. My dad worked on a wiring problem, while he was here, that had been plaguing my soul. Because of the lack of time, he was forced to leave a few items undone, but which required my immediate attention. We had several beautiful spring days that begged me to be outside moving dirt, raking dead grass and fixing a flooding problem that needed to be fixed as soon as the earth began to thaw. Before I knew it, I had four days until Easter Sunday and I hadn't even started the girls' dresses. I cut and sewed as quickly as I could, while still attempting to manage a household. My son has a keen new interest in nuclear science--a topic I haven't even looked at since high school chemistry fourteen years ago (!!!). I had to do some serious refresher study so I could explain it on a ten year old's level. I have been trying to do couponing for a few months and knew I had some good coupons for Easter stuff. I also expected some great last-minute deals. Because of this, I hadn't done any basket/bunny prep. Saturday night saw me hurriedly stitching in twelve button holes and four blind hems. It saw a trip to Walgreen's for stocking stuffers (or this holiday's equivalent) and got it all for the great deal I'd expected. As my husband sat filling plastic eggs and I was putting those final touches on the dresses, I expressed a nagging thought that had been growing over the past two days: I had completely lost the meaning of Easter.

I hadn't thought about my Savior once this week. I hadn't taken the time to study the scriptures concerning the Atonement. I didn't let each day of His Final Week speak for itself--Palm Sunday, Good Friday, etc. I didn't take the opportunity to set aside a few minutes each day to teach my children, "Today was the day Jesus entered Jerusalem on the back of a colt" or "Today was the day Jesus knelt at the feet of his friends and washed their feet" or "Today was the day that Jesus' body lay in the tomb." I let myself become distracted by the fluff and totally screwed up.

I am so ashamed of myself.

Before I crawled into bed, (after finishing the dresses, buying the fresh asparagus and strawberries, writing and hiding the clues for the Easter Basket Treasure Hunt, and starting the dishwasher and dryer) I knelt by the side of my bed.

I am grateful for the doctrine of repentance. I know that I can ask for forgiveness because of and through my Savior's Atonement. I know, that like any loving parent, my Father in Heaven will let me try again.

Today I am making a change. This week will be different. I will take the time to study His words and His life. I will find moments to testify to my children. I will ask for the Spirit to work in me and then I will let him. This week I will retrench, renew my commitment to Jesus Christ.

All because of the reason for this holiday: my Savior.

1 comment:

  1. And you are loving them and serving them, and loving their father and your Father in Heaven.

    Keep praying for Him to smooth over the places where we fail, goof up, whatever. That's why He came.

    Your vulnerability expresses the feelings of every godly mother is working out her salvation.

    It is a process.