Friday, May 6, 2011

Making Reservations

We are less than one month from the big moving day and I think I'm still kind of in denial.  When we bought the house are currently in, I was super on the ball about getting address change cards to all of our subscriptions, utilities and mail service.  I was busy calling every insurer on the planet to make sure we were getting the best premium-to-coverage deal.  The truck was rented super early, I had collected boxes months ahead of time and I followed a detailed Moving Checklist carefully.

This time, well, it's different.  The house deals still feel iffy.  If the inspection goes badly on the haunted house we want, we won't have a house.  If the electrician that checked out our current house last week says we need to pour a billion dollars into wires and labor before the buyers will buy, then our house isn't actually sold.  If our house isn't actually sold, then we can't actually buy another one.

So, based on this frustrating level of limbo, I haven't called one doctor's office to ask for a referral or a record's transfer.  I haven't packed a single box since I packed away our non-essentials back in January while preparing the house to show.  I can't pack the winter clothes because it's still winter.  I don't want to pack the summer clothes because it could change to summer at any minute and I don't want to be stuck wearing sweatshirts and tennis shoes when the weather calls for t-shirts and flip-flops.  I haven't searched for the best phone deal because we might be needing to do the ol' switch to cell service due to several unusual life situations (more on that another time).  I haven't called the utilities because I'm just not sure where we will be living.  I haven't checked off anything from the Moving Checklist's Two Months Before You Move category--and we are well past that time!

I have only done one thing.  I reserved the biggest truck the rental places provide.  I only did that because they were having a deal.  When I clicked on the bright orange confirm button, I felt a wave of apprehension.  Why?  I can always cancel the reservation if our house sale falls through (a possibility I never even considered was possible with the sale of our last home).  Maybe I am mistakingly calling my feeling apprehension when it is really sadness over the end of this defining journey we have been on over the past six years.  Maybe it is a sense of grief over losing our close dependence on each other (and valued friends) because we have been so far from our extended family.

Ahhh, there it is.

You see?  This is why I have a blog.  As I type, tears are rolling down my checks.  I have identified the source of my previously confused feelings.  I am sad and I am grieving.  I don't want to leave this life I have loved--even while I am SO excited to start the next phase of our lives.  I am going to miss my home, my friends and this town, but mostly I am going to miss the family dynamic that we have established here.  Time marches on and my little people are growing.  It will never be this way again.  I suppose I have good reason to mourn.

Wow.  Okay, sorry for that, but thank you for letting me write.  I needed to realize what was really happening in my hopped-up-on-hormones emotional labyrinth.  Maybe I'll go watch Beaches or the last fifteen minutes of Toy Story 3 so I can get in a really good cry.

Talk to you soon,
Emily

3 comments:

  1. Oh, Emily! I am sure you are all full of emotion and I wish we could sit for hours and talk all about it, but I suppose your blog is the closest thing. You have such faith and you know it will all work out, but that doesn't mean you don't have the very real human emotions anyway.
    I'm thinking of you and hoping everything goes well these next couple of months.

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  2. Hello friend.. I went to the Post Falls Food Bank and saw your purple house!! I thought I had recognized it from the pictures. I go the the Food Bank quite a bit as my internship site partner's with them on many occasions. Well your hopefully future home is right across the street. The house looks so much bigger in real time. So much potential. (:
    Maybe to add comfort.. and an option.. My dad has a rental in Hayden that is about to come open. 4 bed 2 full baths.. If worse comes to worse I bet he would give you a great rental price on it while everything comes together. Just a thought.

    Call me if you need anything 509.290.1902

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  3. I'm happy to help with anything on this end, I can give you a few tips on the area/ward etc. and make sure to let me know when your first Sunday will be so I'll be prepared with an awesome introduction for you ;) Anyway, just keep saying like Bob - I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful. I too saw the haunted house the other day on my way to a friend's house in the ward, its awesome!

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