Monday, June 20, 2011
Through the Window
To quote Maria von Trapp, "When God closes a door, somewhere, He opens a window."
We are now exploring on the other side of that window.
We will have been at my parent's place for four weeks tomorrow. Everyone is ready for the vacation to be over, but it isn't a vacation. It is some kind of new reality. We may be here for two weeks or we may be here for the rest of the summer. One thing is for sure: we need to re-establish a routine and create a more normal life or risk falling apart.
Justin and I had had these same thoughts over the weekend and we both determined to do better. We had a meeting of the minds yesterday and decided on a few things. Today we tried it out. It wasn't perfect, but it was much better. My ever wise husband balanced my zealous affirmation with reality. Instead of having a full school schedule, we're just going to make sure we read every day. Instead of trying to have morning and evening family prayer accompanied by family scripture study and Family Home Evening, we are going to commit to evening prayers and Monday night Family Home Evening. Instead of a perfect housekeeping routine, we are aiming to complete a few essential chores each day. Sometimes we can steadily leap forward in our progress and sometimes we have to be happy with small, hesitant steps.
I have a dear friend who also had a still-birth. She told me it took six months to find normal again. We're improving. I'm still fragile and seem to fall apart at unexpected moments, but I am stronger. I am impatient with myself and project my criticisms of myself onto everyone else. I imagine that they are thinking me lazy, emotional, rude, thoughtless or the other unjust labels I have given myself. Another little goal for the week is that I need to be more gentle with myself and more thoughtful of my husband.
So, we will remember that we are on a new journey on this side of the window and will continue forward with our small steps.