Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Okay With the Wait

The truth of the matter is, I'm not really ready for the baby.  I mean, I have packed my bags (one for the hospital, another for an emergency car delivery).  I've washed all the newborn clothes, cloths, and blankets.  I have meal plans for the family.  I'm keeping up on laundry and dishes and I've paid the bills for the month.
My body is ready.  I'm not sleeping at night.  My feet look like Aunt Marge's--all puffy and squeezing out of the straps of my sandals.  My esophagus must look like hamburger based on the way my stomach acids think they belong there.  You don't want to know about my varicose veins.  I've gained a record amount of nutrient-rich weight to supply the baby with healthy milk for the next several months.  My breasts look like a road map of blue veins just waiting to produce.  I can't lay on my back because the baby is so large that his weight on my diaphragm prevents sufficient oxygen intake.

The baby is ready.  His head is so far down in my pelvis that I can no longer cross my legs.  My bones are separated to the point that I can't stand on one leg or the whole skeletal structure screams at me to SIT DOWN.  He has hiccups all of the time, loves it when I do yoga and stretches out every once in a while just to remind me that he is out of room.

Heaven knows his sisters are ready for him!  They practice with their dolls every day.

But I am not ready.  I know now that things can go wrong.  I have delivered a lot of babies and it hurts.  I don't want to pay a hospital bill because I'd rather save for a house.  I can't deliver at home because I know now that things can go wrong.  I hate that I'm ruling out medical pain management, even though I've never used it, because it is expensive.  I don't want that scratchy baby monitor around my belly.  I don't want an IV or that too-tight blood pressure cuff that goes off way too frequently.  I don't want florescent lights screaming in my face.  I don't want my son to be so far away when his brother finally comes.

So, even though I am uncomfortable and tired, I'm okay with waiting a bit longer.  I know from other experiences that our Heavenly Father knows what I need and I will trust His timing and methods.  At this point, that faith is the only thing keeping my wits together.

Well, that and leftover Easter candy.

1 comment:

  1. I totally laughed out loud at the Easter candy- I know that feeling all too well.

    It's so refreshing to hear you say that you are OK with the wait and trust in the Lord's timing and methods. Too few women feel that way. Birth is truly a miraculous event and God is aware of you, your baby, and the needs you both have. When you trust Him you will know exactly what to do- and when. Bringing a child into the world can be an incredibly spiritual experience (even when things don't go as planned).

    Perhaps you don't need this information, but as a trained Doula (and having had 6 children myself) I feel the need to share- if not for you, maybe someone else reading this...

    You opt out of some of the typical hospital protocols. Much of what they do is for convenience (for them), but generally they will accommodate reasonable requests. You can ask to have the lights dimmed and curtains closed to block out light(they usually have spot lights if they need a bright light in a certain area). The best part of this is that babies tend to open their eyes more if it isn't as bright and you may get eye contact in the very tender first bonding moments.

    If you are not using Pitocin or having an epidural you can ask to have the blood pressure cuff removed (they will come take your blood pressure every so often, but it doesn't have to stay on you). If you don't have medical intervention you can also ask to have the baby monitor used intermittently. Most hospitals have a policy to do a 20 minute strip when they first admit you, but after that unless you have Pitocin or an epidural there is no need for continuous monitoring. In fact, studies show that continuous monitoring does not improve outcome (neither does the 20 minute strip). If you do feel more comfortable having the monitor on you can ask them to turn the volume down so you don't have all the beeping.

    You can also request to have no IV- if you are not using Pitocin or having an epidural the reason they do an IV is "just in case" you need to have an emergency C-section. The truth is in an emergency it wouldn't take much time at all to do an IV. The IV is mostly for convenience (for them)- there is no medical proof that it improves outcomes. If they resist not doing an IV you can ask for an IV lock (they put the needle in and flush it every so often, but you don't have a constant line of fluid running into your body).

    Sorry for the long comment, this is a topic that I am passionate about and I feel sad that many women don't know they have choices. God bless you! I hope you have the perfect-for-you birth!!