Thursday, October 8, 2015

Not Chub

A few weeks ago, I had a startling realization.  My clothes were fitting funny around my middle and my hip hurts.  Of course, I immediately assumed I had cancer.  After I talked myself down, I decided I had some kind of cantaloupe sized cyst on my ovary.  I nearly searched my symptoms on the internet then decided to just make an appointment with an actual, living doctor.  A few days later, getting into the shower and looking at my odd belly and wondering what cursed parasite was feasting on my innards and growing immense in the process, in suddenly dawned on me:

I'm getting fat!

My mom warned me about this.  I'm 38 and I weaned my son about 8 months ago.  Time is no longer on my side and I couldn't rely on the parasitic properties of a nursing child.  Although I have a long and treasured tradition of gaining 50-60 pounds each time I gestate, I've always lost it relatively quickly and maintained my weight during the in-between times.  Here I stood, staring at my 10 pounds of extra belly and laughing at myself and my previous worrisome conclusions.

However, I'd already made the doctor's appointment and I hadn't been to a doctor since my 6-week postpartum checkup, so I thought I may as well keep the date.

I gave my urine sample, got the weight checked and the blood pressure measured.  Then sat on the papered table in my paper dress.

My doctor, the same one I've had since before I was married, was giggling outside the exam room door.  She walked in, still giggling.

It turns out, I do have a growth, of sorts.  I do have a parasite, of a kind.  I have put on a bit of weight, but it is fully explainable.

I'm going to have a baby!

It isn't like I don't know what being pregnant feels like, it's just that I've never gone so long without being pregnant.  And I'm old.  And, I don't know, I guess I thought I was done!

Apparently, Heavenly Father would like me to love and serve one more child, to mother one more citizen . . . mother or father . . . friend . . . creator . . . beautifier . . . disciple of Christ.  I don't claim to be amazing at doing that, but I am who our Father has chosen and I will certainly try to magnify my calling.

Pray for me, friends.  As much as I look forward to a baby, I grow weak at the thought of so many more weeks of being sick, my old bones hauling around a heavily pregnant frame, the difficulty of labor and the months and months of severe heartburn and being continually generally uncomfortable.  I will continue to pray for courage

and dwell on that single, fluttery heart introducing itself to mine.


  1. What exciting news! When are you due? Congrats, Emily!

  2. Congratulations!!! So very happy for you! AWESOME!!!

  3. Wow! That's just wonderful! I'm so happy for you and your family! Heavenly Father truly knows what an amazing mother you are.

  4. How wonderful!!! Heavenly Father truly knows you're a wonderful mother.

  5. Congratulations, Emily! I'm so happy for you!

  6. Congratulations!!! I've been so busy taking care of my own newborn that I missed this wonderful news!! I can totally relate to some of your emotions. I was 31 when my first child was born so I don't know what it is like being pregnant younger than that, but being pregnant in my 41 year old body brought a few more challenges! Holding and snuggling this sweet little boy is so wonderful that I'm glad I did it, but it was hard!